The Thought
by RunBabyRun8312
Summary: "You-you never thought about it...did you?" After Karofsky's suicide attempt, Kurt and Blaine find themselves talking about their darkest of times and what kept them from self harm. Also includes Cooper teasing and the idea of Dalton boys throwing themselves at Kurt.


**Sorry if there are any typos! My laptop's Microsoft Word doesn't work, so I typed it up on the FF site.  
Anyway, enjoy! And review and favorite, if you'd like. ;D**

They sat silently, Kurt sideways against Blaine. The house was empty; Carol was grocery shopping, Burt was at work, and Finn was out with Rachel or Puck or whoever. No make-out sessions or snuggling whilst watching Project Runway reruns would be happening today, though. Neither had spoken a word in the last twenty or so minutes. Kurt was lost in thought, still numb over what had happened with Karofsky. Blaine had his arms around his boyfriend lightly, not wanting to get in the way of what Kurt was going through, but trying to comfort him at the same time. He was drifting away in his thoughts, too, and all of a sudden, he couldn't remain quiet anymore. He had to know.

"Kurt...?" he asked softly.

Kurt didn't reply, but tilted his head up to look at Blaine.

"You-you never thought it...did you?"

"Thought about what?"

Blaine swallowed. He had hoped that he wouldn't have to say the word. "Suicide."

Kurt turned his head back and looked down at the arms encircling him. He laid his own arms over Blaine's and grabbed his boyfriend's hands. The question actually took a little bit of thought. _Had _he considered suicide? The days of fear and torment felt so far in the past now that he was happy, safe, and loved. He hadn't thought of the traumatic events of his junior year for quite a while, so he had a hard time remembering, but, eventually, he had his answer.

"I kind of did. The thought crossed my mind once, a day that I ended up having to pull into a Walgreen's parking lot on my way home from school because I needed to cry so badly. I looked up and on the big sign in front of the store, they were advertising a sale on razors. And for a moment, I considered ending it the way so many others had."

He paused, taking a deep breath to try to stop the tears pricking the backs of his eyes. Blaine tightened his hold some, but didn't say anything. Something told him that Kurt wasn't done with his story.

"Just as quickly as the thought came into my head, another one stopped me," Kurt continued, "I thought about what would happen to my dad. I know he'd blame himself for what I'd done and I couldn't handle that. That's why I felt so bad for Karofsky's dad. I can only imagine what my dad would do if he found me. Then, of course, I knew Carol, Mercedes, Rachel, and Tina would be upset, too, but it was my dad that really got to me. I think part of me also knew that there was something, someone, worth living for. I dried my eyes, drove home, and watched a football game with my dad, even though I could hardly keep up with it. And I never thought of it again."

Blaine closed his eyes as Kurt lifted one of his hands and brought it to his lips.

"I wanted to," he breathed, "I wanted to, but every time I had the opportunity, I just couldn't go through with it. I'd hold the belt or the scissors in my hands until I couldn't take it and would throw them back under my bed. Once, I pressed the blade into my wrist a little bit, the farthest I ever got. A few beads of blood dripped down my arm and I ran to throw up.

"When my date to Sadie's and I got beaten up, I didn't fight back. Part of me hoped that they'd just end it all for me because I was too much of a coward to do it myself. When I woke up in the hospital and realized I was still alive, I cried. Cooper was the only one in the room at the time and I begged him to mess with my meds when the nurses weren't looking or to pull the plug, even though I wasn't even on life support. But he wouldn't help me. He just smiled sadly at me and said, 'No way, little brother. You're not going anywhere just yet.' After I got out of the hospital, I was transfered to Dalton and I never thought about it again."

"Oh, Blaine...," Kurt sighed, tears welling up in his eyes.

Kurt sat up and pulled Blaine into his arms. They remained that way for a while, just holding each other. Then, Kurt pulled back and placed a soft kiss on Blaine's forehead.

"I'm going to have to thank Cooper for keeping you here."

Blaine smiled slightly. "Yeah, make him feel like a here. That's just what his ego needs."

"I love you. I don't know where I'd be if you'd gone before I met you."

"You'd be at Dalton, leading the Warblers to Nationals and beating off all of the boys, gay and straight, with a stick."

Kurt rolled his eyes and the two leaned foward for a slow, sweet kiss.

"Oh, and I love you, too," Blaine grins.


End file.
